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There hasn’t been a lot of activity here or on my design wall. After working hard on the last two pieces both of which were rejected, it is hard to build up enthusiasm for starting something new. I’ve been considering why that is so.

Is it a feeling of failure with work rejected from two shows? And then not wanting to risk rejection again with another work?

Or is it a need to complete something useful? That all the artwork is frivolity and it would be a better use of my time to produce useful items. Or at least reduce the quantity of ‘stuff’ that I have for heirs to deal with. I’m not planning on that need for some time but things happen when least expected sometimes and being prepared makes for less confusion. Having been executor of my parents’ wills, it was not an easy task and made more difficult by the lack of instructions.

Perhaps I am procrastinating because there are so many options and I’m not sure which to choose? And is one better than another?

Or is it avoidance thinking that success will mean more expectations? The more I do, the more people seem to want–whether it is a work shift or volunteer work or family expectations?

Or maybe it’s because I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to deal with a computer, a cell phone, and all their intricacies all couched in a language I do not understand? a world of No. 2 pencils and a spiral notebook—or a blank sketchbook and a ball point pen are tools I understand.

So why am I still sitting here in my nightgown, writing away here instead of dealing with the piles of projects some half started, some just an idea, and a few nearly completed except for an hour or so of work?

Or maybe it is because I need to winnow down the possibilities.

In true avoidance this morning, I read through a few of my old journals. It was popular for several years to choose a word to describe the focus of the year. One year I chose ‘Refine’ and the following year “Conquer”.

Somehow I think I need to get back to that frame of mind and “Refine and Conquer”


One Comment Post a comment
  1. Ahhhh Sylvia! You have expressed my feelings so well! I don’t write, blog, journal or anything more than comments and chatty emails; but avoidance is something I do well!!!! janice

    October 12, 2014

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